Emotional Eating

I’m having a tough day today.  Got up early to walk the dogs to beat the heat (@AlexandraZ1).  It was a nice walk but I just felt sorta blah.  I’m bored and depressed.  I feel like my life is a waste and I am doing nothing that contributes to this world.  I don’t recommend being unemployed and broke.  Being unemployed is ok for a little while as long as one is not broke.  I’m so over it.

I decided that I am going to get this extra weight off once and for all and that is not helping.  That means no emotional eating for me and I really need it today. I guess I have to find another way to cope.  That’s what it’s all about anyhow when making changes.  I will have to replace the bad habits with good ones.  So I guess my feelings of doom and despair are really helping me deal with changing the bad habit of emotional eating.  Nice. Because I want to get this weight off I weighed myself this morning.  I actually have 22.6 pounds to lose instead of 20.  I’m going to eat 1500 calories a day which is 388 less than I need to maintain.  Of course these are all estimates.  That means to lose 2 pounds a week I have to exercise off the additional 612 calories.  I’ll get about 300 from my walks and then I have to figure out what else I will do for the rest.  I have a list of things to choose from ranging from exercise videos to jumping rope.  I even put playing music and juggling on it. I don’t think I will count those as exercise although they do count as activity. 

Something I am going to do besides exercise to break the emotional eating habit is knit or crochet.  I’m not very good at it but it is very calming.  I’m going to make hats and scarves and give them to a charity that distributes them to the homeless. Knot 2b Forgotten  Then I have another charity that I will make squares for and they put them together to make blankets. Share a Square  On one hand I would like to be able to send them a ton of stuff.  But that would mean that the hard times are continuing.  I have a lot of yarn from my life before I was broke so that will keep me going for a while.  I guess I can still make things even when my mood changes.  I’ll just have to find another bad habit to break!!

Later

Underwear

Today I cleaned up all the paperwork in my closet.  I’ve never had a walk in closet until we moved here and it turned into a huge junk drawer.  Not anymore. Everything is filed and mostly organized.  Being filed is the important part.  This makes me feel good.  Like there is hope for us.  Things have to change.  I really do think we are about as down as we can get.  So when you are at the bottom the only way from there is up. 

I had an interesting talk with my teen daughter today about underwear.  Seems all the young girls wear thong underwear and she wants to as well.  Not only that, she wants to wear matching panties and bras.  Her words “you can’t be all matchy, matchy with your clothes and then you go to put your pajamas on and you have flowers and fruits, or hearts and dots.”  I’m thinking what does it matter, no one is going to see them which I proceed to tell her.  Then she says what about gym.  I’m like “Jim, who is Jim and why would you be showing him your bra and panties?”  She laughed.  So then I told her that I would have to talk to her dad about it first.  She didn’t think that was a good idea.  And honestly, my husband would not like to hear about it either so I guess I’ll take care of this one on my own.  She does bring a good point to her argument.  They are usually cheaper than other underwear.  At Wal-mart you can get 5 for $5.  That’s a deal.  But I am sure I could put together some strings even cheaper than that.  I’ll have to run that past her. 

Later!

Starting Fresh - I think!

We were supposed to be up before six this morning to walk the dogs and beat the heat. It’s after seven.  Not that we can’t go now but the dogs don’t do well in the heat.  And, I worry about cancer.  We always say we will take them in the evening if we miss the morning but we rarely ever do.  We like our time alone in the evening when we walk.  And the dogs want to chase the cats and howl at the moon!  Actually they don’t howl at the moon but they do yipe and howl.  So embarrassing! They need some training and we have the time but never do it. 

Normally on Monday, Wednesday and Friday after our walk we go to the gym.  I bet you are wondering how a couple of broke people can afford a gym membership.  Well I do too.  I wonder why we do a lot of things.  The bottom line is it’s hard to go backwards.  No one wants to live with less than what they are used to having.  Not that we have ever had a lot.  We got by.  We were comfortable.  THIS is not comfortable.  I don’t want to go to the gym today.  I’m tired of pretending to have and be something I am not.  I can work out at home.  I kept some of my small equipment from before we moved. I’d sell it but really, it wouldn’t be worth it.  If I am lucky I might get $10 for all of it.  Sure that’s $10 I don’t have now but I just don’t want to do it. Besides if I can get my husband to cancel those gym memberships I’m going to be glad I have it.  He doesn’t know it yet but I am NOT going to the gym today.

My name is not Alexandra.  I didn’t want to use my real name. I admit I am embarrassed at our situation.  The only person that is remotely aware of how bad it is would be my mother-in-law and she doesn’t know everything.  I haven’t even told my mom and I won’t.  My husband and my daughter need names. Any suggestions?  I suppose I could ask them and if no one else makes a suggestion I will.  But for now they are husband and daughter. 

Well, it’s time to start my day.  I have to figure out what that will be.  I’d like to be moving away from this mess and not wallowing in it. 

Later!